I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize