he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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