just tell him i said nine months
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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