rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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