Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Randomize
