You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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