apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
