The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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