he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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