Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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