I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They took my balls.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
