my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
