The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
