How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
