I just cut my nipple shaving
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize