After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why is your signature on my underwear?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
