I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
