I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love having hate sex.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
