Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
