I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
