I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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