Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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