you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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