Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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