I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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