Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
