that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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