Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
