yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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