God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
