pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
