i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize