ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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