Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
