I cockslap morals
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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