i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
