Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
