How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
