Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
