I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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