I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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