It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize