My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
