you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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