I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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