Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
