I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
