first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
