all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
