Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
