Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
