Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
