You made me cry and you don't even care
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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