If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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