I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
