Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
