He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
