You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i think my cat just said my name.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
