im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your penis caused this!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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