i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
