Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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