all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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