I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize