hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
