I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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