at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
