You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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