Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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