True but thats because hes a fetus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
