Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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