whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
