So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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