im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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