fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
