Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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