So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
